Welcome boys and girls, pussies and bitches, trannies and she-males. School is now in session. Some of you who have been visiting my Xanga since its inception might have seen this before, but I feel it needs to be reiterated because 99% of people still make these mistakes. So pay attention or I'll skull-fuck you (as in making love to an eye socket of your dead skull).
Lesson 1 - You DEFINITELY need to know this one.
Definitely. It's a simple word. Everyone uses it, and knows what it means. But apparently no one knows how to spell it. Definitely. It comes from the word "finite" meaning 'having definite or definable limits.' Definitely. If I see one more person put an 'a' in the word 'definitely,' I'm going to rape their mother with a wooden spoon. Don't believe it? Try me. I'll DEFINITELY do it.
Lesson 2 - Disregard "Irregardless."
Stop using the non-word 'irregardless.' It's not a word. I hear people use it all the time, even some people I used to think were intelligent, that is before they displayed their inability to determine whether a certain combination of letters is an actual word or not. It's NOT a word, people. You fucking idiots (note: if you know it's not a word, obviously the 'you' isn't meant for YOU, so don't get pissed) use it when you mean "without regard." Well guess what, there is a word for that, and it's called 'regardless.' Regard...LESS. WITHOUT REGARD. You don't need the prefix 'irr;' it's just redundant and it's not a fucking word.
Lesson 3 - You acting like a fucking moron and me bashing your skull. A cause and EFFECT scenario that will AFFECT your well-being.
Know the difference between these two words. 'Effect' is a noun, and it means "something that inevitably follows an antecedent (as a cause or agent)." 'Affect,' or at least the most common use of the word, is a transitive verb meaning "to produce an effect upon; to produce a material influence upon or alteration in; to act upon (as a person or a person's mind or feelings) so as to effect a response." It's not hard people. Allow me to give you a few samples:
1. Affect.
~Bashing a kitten in the head with a hammer will AFFECT it's health.
2. Effect.
~The concussion sustained by the once-cute kitten was an EFFECT of the constant hammer-bashing.
Lesson 4 - It's time you learned how to use 'it's' and 'its,' motherfucker.
Know when an apostrophe goes in 'its' and when it doesn't. This is the easiest of all my lessons. Just say your sentence with "it is" and see if it makes sense. If it doesn't, you probably should use 'its,' and if you are still unsure, find a gun, put it in your mouth, and do the world a favor by pulling the trigger. In fact, shoot yourself in the head twice just to be sure (note: yes, I know that it's not really possible to do that; I was joking. Even if you survived the first gunshot to the head, you probably wouldn't be able to get off another one, since you'd be drowning in a pool of your own cerebral fluid). So anyway, here's some example sentences to help you out:
1. It's.
~It's really annoying when people don't know how to speak more intelligently than the average minority.
2. Its.
~I have been a devoted member of the KKK since its inception in 1969 (note: Yes, I know it was founded long before then, but I just wanted to say '69,' HAHA!).
Well, I hope we've all learned something today. I know I sure did... just kidding. I already know everything. But hopefully those less fortunate than me (everyone else), can take something from my amazing intellect and better themselves. An remember: if you misspell 'definitely' one more fucking time, I'm gonna snap your ass in a bear trap, CU-CLAP!
Lesson 1 - You DEFINITELY need to know this one.
Definitely. It's a simple word. Everyone uses it, and knows what it means. But apparently no one knows how to spell it. Definitely. It comes from the word "finite" meaning 'having definite or definable limits.' Definitely. If I see one more person put an 'a' in the word 'definitely,' I'm going to rape their mother with a wooden spoon. Don't believe it? Try me. I'll DEFINITELY do it.
Lesson 2 - Disregard "Irregardless."
Stop using the non-word 'irregardless.' It's not a word. I hear people use it all the time, even some people I used to think were intelligent, that is before they displayed their inability to determine whether a certain combination of letters is an actual word or not. It's NOT a word, people. You fucking idiots (note: if you know it's not a word, obviously the 'you' isn't meant for YOU, so don't get pissed) use it when you mean "without regard." Well guess what, there is a word for that, and it's called 'regardless.' Regard...LESS. WITHOUT REGARD. You don't need the prefix 'irr;' it's just redundant and it's not a fucking word.
Lesson 3 - You acting like a fucking moron and me bashing your skull. A cause and EFFECT scenario that will AFFECT your well-being.
Know the difference between these two words. 'Effect' is a noun, and it means "something that inevitably follows an antecedent (as a cause or agent)." 'Affect,' or at least the most common use of the word, is a transitive verb meaning "to produce an effect upon; to produce a material influence upon or alteration in; to act upon (as a person or a person's mind or feelings) so as to effect a response." It's not hard people. Allow me to give you a few samples:
1. Affect.
~Bashing a kitten in the head with a hammer will AFFECT it's health.
2. Effect.
~The concussion sustained by the once-cute kitten was an EFFECT of the constant hammer-bashing.
Lesson 4 - It's time you learned how to use 'it's' and 'its,' motherfucker.
Know when an apostrophe goes in 'its' and when it doesn't. This is the easiest of all my lessons. Just say your sentence with "it is" and see if it makes sense. If it doesn't, you probably should use 'its,' and if you are still unsure, find a gun, put it in your mouth, and do the world a favor by pulling the trigger. In fact, shoot yourself in the head twice just to be sure (note: yes, I know that it's not really possible to do that; I was joking. Even if you survived the first gunshot to the head, you probably wouldn't be able to get off another one, since you'd be drowning in a pool of your own cerebral fluid). So anyway, here's some example sentences to help you out:
1. It's.
~It's really annoying when people don't know how to speak more intelligently than the average minority.
2. Its.
~I have been a devoted member of the KKK since its inception in 1969 (note: Yes, I know it was founded long before then, but I just wanted to say '69,' HAHA!).
Well, I hope we've all learned something today. I know I sure did... just kidding. I already know everything. But hopefully those less fortunate than me (everyone else), can take something from my amazing intellect and better themselves. An remember: if you misspell 'definitely' one more fucking time, I'm gonna snap your ass in a bear trap, CU-CLAP!
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