The title says it all. Now I'm sure all you homophobes and Christians and idiots who have a tendency to call things you find stupid 'gay' will believe I'm a homosexual for this. But I know I'm not, so it really doesn't matter what anyone else believes, especially all you ugly people.
    So I suppose I should elaborate. Well basically, I want to do gay porn. I was watching this show about porn on HBO the other night, and there was this segment on gay porn. Being the masculine, secure man that I am, I didn't change the channel at this shift, and I'm glad. It was a very informative piece. I learned all about how these guys get into gay porn.
    For instance, did you know that about 50% of the men in gay porn are straight? Yep, it's true. See, they start out doing straight porn, but there's no money in that for the guys, you know? The focus is on the women. The guys are just interchangeable dicks. Because of this, they only get paid a few hundred per scene, while the girls make many time that.
    But in gay porn, the guys are the stars. They're not just some replaceable schlong. They are the reason the people watch it. So these porn actors follow the money, and switch the gay porn. They can make up to $3,000 per scene. They give and receive head, take it in the ass and screw other guys, and then they go home to their wives and live comfortably! Easy money, if you ask me.
    This one straight guy- I forget his name- was said to be like the Jenna Jameson of gay porn. He'd get paid $50,000 for a single movie, and keep in mind pornos don't exactly take months to film. How sweet is that? Fifty grand for what, maybe a week's work? That's awesome. Some people would love to make that in a YEAR.
    Now don't get me wrong: I'm only attracted to women. But I'll do anything for money (which happens to be the point of the very last sentence if my recent essay about why porn is awesome). If I could do gay porn and make thousands of dollars per scene, I'd do it in a heartbeat. As far as I'm concerned, the REAL straight men that are secure with their sexuality would be willing to smoke pole on camera for good money.
    Obviously, most straight guys today are not this way at all. I've asked a number of guys who would flat-out refuse millions of dollars to take it in the ass. Well that's just fucking insane if you ask me. I mean for starters, everybody knows that money buys happiness. Not to mention, how bad can engaging in homosexual activities be? Think about it: how many girls and bi/gay guys suck dick and/or take it in the ass? It's safe to say the answer to that is millions. This means it absolutely must be bearable. Think of it like getting a tattoo. Sure, it may not be particularly enjoyable, but so many people do it, it has to be bearable, right? And when you add the fact that you get paid quite well to do it? It's definitely worthwhile.
    Unfortunately, being a gay porn star is a dream that will have to remain a dream for me. I am not nearly attractive enough to be a porn star. And I am not, shall we say, "equipped" for the job. It's a damn shame. Just think: there are all these well-endowed white guys who could do gay porn if they wanted, but chose not to. It just goes to show you that life truly is not fair.
    Come to think of it, I don't think I'll ever give money to or assist in any way a poor black man. I shouldn't have to, because they're basically choosing to be poor. To these men, I say: Hey buddy. You're black- I know you've got a monster cock. So get over your insecurity and homophobia, do some gay porn, and take advantage of the gift life has bestowed upon you. Do it for those of us who want to but can't... Do it for the little guys.