And now for your masturbating pleasure, I present to you "10 ways to pick the president."
1. Arm-wrestling
Simple, self-explanatory.
2. Pissing contest
They are scored on distance, strategies, such as arch height and wind direction awareness, and longevity (meaning the time they keep it going for, not the lengths of their dicks, perv).
3. Staring contest
I'm talking about the one where you can't blink, as opposed to the one where you can laugh. If that were the case, but guys wouldn't last a second. I guess the only problem with this method is that Kerry's eyes are hidden in the shadows.
4. The penis game
Ya know, where you go in a very public place, and you take turns saying 'penis' louder and louder. It's fun on a school bus, so I think it'd be perfect to elect our commander in chief.
5. Oral goat milking
Similar to a stunt from Fear Factor that never aired, they must suck the milk out of goats and spit it into containers until they reach a certain height.
6. Guess the she-male
A lineup consisting of five legitimate chicks and one he-she, and the candidates must identify who has the penis.
7. Find a hermaphrodite
Both men are sent into the Rocky Mountain wilderness with only a set of matches, two feet of rope, and a wooden spork, and they must make their way out and find a hermaphrodite,. Any hermaphrodite will do. No other tools are allowed, because then they would just get to a computer and go to the hermaphrodite chatroom.
8. "Guess how many cookies I have in my mouth"
Inspired by the hilarious commercial, they must see how many cookies they can get in their mouths.
9. Sit through 'Glitter'
This one may be out of line.
10. The cookie game
Both dudes jerk off onto a cookie, and which ever one comes last has to eat the jizz-covered cookie. Actually, this wouldn't determine the election, I just think it'd be funny as hell to witness.
1. Arm-wrestling
Simple, self-explanatory.
2. Pissing contest
They are scored on distance, strategies, such as arch height and wind direction awareness, and longevity (meaning the time they keep it going for, not the lengths of their dicks, perv).
3. Staring contest
I'm talking about the one where you can't blink, as opposed to the one where you can laugh. If that were the case, but guys wouldn't last a second. I guess the only problem with this method is that Kerry's eyes are hidden in the shadows.
4. The penis game
Ya know, where you go in a very public place, and you take turns saying 'penis' louder and louder. It's fun on a school bus, so I think it'd be perfect to elect our commander in chief.
5. Oral goat milking
Similar to a stunt from Fear Factor that never aired, they must suck the milk out of goats and spit it into containers until they reach a certain height.
6. Guess the she-male
A lineup consisting of five legitimate chicks and one he-she, and the candidates must identify who has the penis.
7. Find a hermaphrodite
Both men are sent into the Rocky Mountain wilderness with only a set of matches, two feet of rope, and a wooden spork, and they must make their way out and find a hermaphrodite,. Any hermaphrodite will do. No other tools are allowed, because then they would just get to a computer and go to the hermaphrodite chatroom.
8. "Guess how many cookies I have in my mouth"
Inspired by the hilarious commercial, they must see how many cookies they can get in their mouths.
9. Sit through 'Glitter'
This one may be out of line.
10. The cookie game
Both dudes jerk off onto a cookie, and which ever one comes last has to eat the jizz-covered cookie. Actually, this wouldn't determine the election, I just think it'd be funny as hell to witness.
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